It’s All Downhill From Here is the blog of someone called misplacedperson.
I really do wonder about parents who call their kids funny names like that – must be all down to too many drugs in the seventies?
Anyway misplacedperson seems to have survived even if she does describe herself as a (in her own words)….
“waster and a layabout. I have failed to make any sensible use of my expensive university education, neglected to produce grandchildren to delight my parents’ old age and at the same time continue not to set the world on fire in any way which might justify these shortcomings.On the plus side, I can speak French (sort of), ski and snowboard (ditto), cook (not too badly really) and I have finally more or less got to grips with the art of indulging in social interaction without being called ‘abrasive’. Scraping the barrel here, I know, but it’s the best I can muster.
Well, that’s a pretty good start, isn’t it?
I found my way here from her foodie blog, Dinner with the Omnivore, (have you ever noticed that everyone has got a foodie blog these days? I really ought to get one myself but, by the time I did that, it would be old hat and I’d be too late! And it’d be like wearing flares in 1986 – everyone would be laughing at me all over again!)
On her foodlie blog, Dinner with the Omnivore, she says that… “Did you know that all those I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter (Mainly Because I Had All My Tastebuds Removed At The Same Time As The Lobotomy) spreads are made of diesel and dead dogs? Well they are.”
I just knew that I was going to like her!
And, before you ask, I do have a sneaking suspicion that misplacedperson is really called Christa but calls herself misplacedperson just to get back at her parents who may,or may not, have taken too many drugs in the seventies. I’ve never met them, you see, so I wouldn’t know. And I can’t really trust the word of someone who starts her blog with a post on…..
What does she start off with, then?
Well, if you must know, she starts off this blog with a post about hurling herself down a snowy hill stood on two little fibreglass planks (which I find a strange enough obsession) only to seek out and collide with one of the organisers of the aforementioned ski race!
Which, in football terms, is a bit like Paul Gascgoine being picked to play for England (another sporting anomaly – almost as silly as skiing!) then, just after singing the national anthem, head-butting the ref in the goolies!
misplacedperson (or Christa, whatever you call yourself these days!), you’ll never win skiing races by crashing into the officials you know!
Now, after all that, you’d expect misplacedperson to calm down a bit, wouldn’t you? Not a bit of it!
She kindly passes on some advice to her customers (or supermarket customers anywhere, I suppose?)… The one I liked (well I liked them all,really) was… “Parents: if your child is making that high-pitched ear-splitting squealing noise, either shut it up or get rid of it. Now!”
From there, the blog trundles on through some advice about wine buying (Plastic bottles: really don’t. No, really. Even the hardened winos don’t drink that – when it says cooking wine it seriously means it!) and mad cow disease (where, apparently, skiers negotiating crowded pistes in peak season are likely to be accosted by a purple cow on skis, dishing out chocolates – as if there wasn’t enough to worry about!) until we get the news… please sit down, it’s bad news!
Yes, Christa buys a car!
And, given the choice of all the Citroen 2CV or Dyanes that she could have picked a nice run around from, she decides on a Renault Twingo!
Some people just have no taste! And I don’t care that you can fold all the seats flat into a makeshift double bed in a Twingo. In a 2CV you can roll back the roof and take your pet giraffe for a drive! And look cool doing so!
Moving swiftly along to a slightly less emotional subject…
Which I found in the excellent blog post called… How to live in France without becoming a miserable git!
This is such a good post that it ought to be turned into a poster and placed on the docks at Calais and St. Malo!
In my opinion you shouldn’t be allowed to enter France unless you can recite, by heart, all ten of the rules detailed in the post. My favourite being….2. People are not dying to make friends with freaky foreigners. Sorry to break the news, but you’re really quite scary. You’ve just arrived from planet Basingstoke, bought some hovel no-one in their right mind would look at and installed half a zoo. Add to that the fact that you only speak three words of French and can’t explain yourself. Are you surprised people are shy? You’re the immigrant here, it’s going to be up to you to make the effort. Every single time. I know, it’s tiring. Get used to it.
I do have to disagree with Rule 10, though! There’s is nothing nicer that simply chewing on a nice piece of andouillette!
I do worry that this blog is going from bad to worse (in a sick is good sort of way)…..
You just need to look at the following posts (and I’ll summarise them for those of you with weak stomachs!)
We had to make our own entertainment in those days – All about karaoke! Yes, the modern equivalent of Morris Dancing and Incest – to be avoided at all costs!
Road closed due to escaped lunatics – Men in Lycra! Yes, the modern equivalent of Morris Dancing and Incest – to be avoided at all costs!
Serious Saturday Morning sense of humour failure – Another men in Lycra post. This time with bananas up their bums! You couldn’t make this up, could you?
If things go on this way, we’ll be reading misplacedperson complaining about all those skiers who spend all their time anally raping purple cows (on skis, no less) whilst skiing downhill wearing Lycra and singing (out of tune – it has to be out of tune!) I shall Survive!
Now, that’s something to look forward to, isn’t it?
So, summing up……
misplacedperson (or Christa – I can’t keep up with all her name changes, you know!) runs a very interesting blog.
It can be rather bolshy in areas but that does add to its attractions.
It’s All Downhill From Here is an essential read for anyone who has ever had any inclination to throw themselves down steep hills in the cold, cold winter – just hoping and preying a Wild Boar or a Purple Cow on Skis doesn’t get in the way!
It’s also a pretty good read for anyone far too intelligent to even consider taking up skiing!
But, don’t take my word for it… Slalom over to It’s All Downhill From Here and take a good look round.
And try not to say anything nasty about the car – even if she could have bought a proper 2CV for half the price!
And me? Well, having already insulted Christa’s parents (by questioning whether they may, or may not, have taken drugs in the seventies) and by calling into question Christa’s taste (or, extreme lack of it!) by buying a horrible car when she could have bought the most beautiful car in the world (the Citroen 2CV, just in case this is your first visit to A Taste of Garlic!), I think that it might be altogether appropriate for me to stay out of the way for a while.
Thus, I’m going to investigate that age old question… What Ski Resort? It’s all about mud… and the naked ladies!
Hmmm… Mud and naked ladies! Perhaps there is something to that skiing after all!
All the best