All the Days of Delores is the blog of Dolores Dolittle and details her daring adventures in the Loire Valley with her husband and critters.
Did someone mention rabbits?
How about we begin of with Rabbits We Have Known which starts with Mr Bunny being given a toxic-powder dousing and finishes with him flinging himself on his back with eyes closed and legs waving in the air – a sure sign of bunny delight.
What I want to know is… when does he get prepared for dinner?
Then, there is Grumpy Old Bun which describes how the aforementioned rabbit pretends to be ill so that he’ll be pampered for life.
I think I might have to try that myself!
Finally, in Sleeping with the Fridge, with the bunnies all gone Delores tries sleeping in their rooom (or the room they used to live in) only to find that the fridge keeps her awake.
Anything else to eat?
Well, we might find something in The Joy of Eating, mightn’t we?
Fancy tucking in to Rosbif and Yorkshire Pudding? Not to mention Spotted Dick!
Let them eat Dumplings is what I say!
What better, in the Land of Bonne Cuisine Dumplings and a Big Pot of Festering Stew?
There are a couple of slugs being raised by a couple of Experts.
And then, one day, they were gone!
And why was Dolores crying? Had she just discovered the joys of, what are in effect,ready-shelled Escargots?
And whilst Deolres seems intent on learning all about French Cuisine… (she’d never have thought of cooking Beef Cheeks till the village butcher unleashed their succulent secrets to her), she tries very hard to like Things to Do with Kippers!
Allow me to let you into a secret… First, take bunch of Kippers… Then cover them with garlic encrusted slugs…..
And onto desert….
The Trouble with Cherries is that you either have none at all or… are up to your waist in the things and can’t even give them away!
There’s only one thing for it; turn them into a bulging palpitating massof which Woody Allen would be frightened – we call it Clafoutis in France!
Life and death in France (oh, and tortoises and hedgehogs too!)……
We’ll start with Such is Life (which is obviously about a funeral) and ponder on convenience of living next door to the cemetery.
And then straight onto Travels with my Hedgehog which has surprisingly little to do with hedgehogs but rather a lot to do with all those creepy stories about blood oozing through walls and hearts beating under floorboards…
Before finishing this little section with an urgent request… Have you seen this tortoise?
Well, I haven’t but this delightful tale of rescuing a poor abandoned tortoise found by the side of the road (the brave little specimen then promptly retaliated by peeing vigorously down his rescuer’s leg. It’s amazing how much liquid can come out of such a tiny little tum!) ad then calling the poor tortoise Tarquin!
The indefinably French bits….
One of the great things about living in France is The Village Shop. Just make sure you don’t ask the butcher “what to do with beef cheeks” unless you want to to induce a bombardment of age-old family recipes from all the other customers.
And toilets, of course, are also a subject of interest in France (I’m sure we’ve all got stories about that hole in the ground Turkish toilet that washed us off our feet when we pulled the chain?)
Delores details her toilet experiences (or, one of them, at least) in the Little White House on the Prairie.
Which is an ideal prompt for me to mention the Kaka coated pavements of Paris!
Or, at least, How to park in Paris if you are, indeed on a pavement garnish field trip!
For you education, the soap operas are covered in Bring me the head of Alfredo Mallard!
I still can’t understand, though, why Delores doesn’t write about that pinnacle of French TV – Plus Belle la Vie!
Or, more strangely, why she admits to once watching Coronation Street (and has got a duck flying across her fridge in homage to Hilda Ogden!)
The aging process (and fake tans and hair stuff that the girlies will understand but are beyond me)…..
I suppose it would be impolite of me to make any reference to the aging process but, it does happen to us all (although I have to admit that I’m still only about 12 years old; mentally, that is!)
So I shouldn’t really mention that Delores gets asked is she qualifies for the Pensioner fare at the station? Oh, The Youth of Today!
Still, it could be worse… I could mention Delores’ problems applying a fake tan. Very Brown in Parts, if you ask me!
But you go for it girl; if it mean that you can wear your jaunty skirts with abandon and flaunt your brown with pride!
I just hope you leave your hair alone so that you don’t run the risk of ending up A Redder Shade of Carrot!
Whoops… too late!
So, summing up……..
If you are the slightest bit interested in reading about the life of a fake tan wearing expat in the Loire, please take a look at All the Days of Delores
You’ll certainly have a laugh or two. And what’s wrong with that?!
And me? Well, I’m going into the garden.
There’s something growing there and I think that It Came From Outer Space!
Wish me luck…..
All the best