My Days and Nights in the City of Light is Nicole’s blog.
Nicole describes herself as a kept woman who …”lives in Paris and is the stay-at-home mother to daughters called Ella and Georgia.”
Now, perhaps I’m a trifle twisted but, for me, the highlight of this entire blog was this gorgeous post on finding that your baby has swallowed a crayon (by sifting through the diaper!)
I’m sure that this is why I’m not a father; I could cope with the disturbed nights, the school fees and the adolescent angst – it’s the sifting through nappies looking for swallowed things that I can’t face! Waaay too forensic for me!
Then again, the post about Bella (one of Ella’s friends) doing an enormous poo and then trying to put it in the big toilet comes a close second.
I’m not even going to mention Potty Training 101 but I will say that the image of Ella doing a Stealth Poop and then… “standing there at the bottom of the slide, with poop smeared all over her legs, (the slide is a biohazard), there is a crowd of horrified tourists and toddlers standing around the slide”, will actually stay with me for the rest of my life!
But there is, surprisingly enough, more to this blog than Poop!
This is very much a parenting blog and you can see Nicole’s maternal instinct in posts like How do you say in France “Take your child back”? and The Plague Descends on our Household Once More (all about projectile vomiting – don’t say you haven’t been warned.
Actually, there are some posts about Paris on this blog, such as Back in Paris (which starts with the words… “I forgot how much Paris sucks.”) and Drinks at the Palais Royale which ends with the words…. “and dog poop on the sidewalk. “
And we mustn’t forget this one – The Object of my WRATH (this week) – where Nicole gets kicked out of a kitchen furniture shop!
Yes, you read it right! Kicked out of a Kitchen Furniture Shop!
I’ve never met anyone who’s been chucked out of a Kitchen Furniture Shop before; bars – yes, pubs – yes. I even know someone who’s been to prison but, I do have to say….. that anyone who incurs the wrath of the bouncer down at the local MFI kitchen section must be One Tough Dude!
Moving along swiftly….
The post entitled Success starts off with a visit to the sales (and the purchase of three pairs of Manalos and a Vivienne Westwoood creation – whatever those things are; I expect those of a female persuasion might just have a clue but, it’s all way beyond me!) The post ends up with Nicole and Ella in a taxi on route to Gymboree (whatever that is. I expect that those of…..) and Ella SPEWING vomit everywhere! I suppose that that is one definition of success!
Now, don’t get me wrong. This is a very, very funny blog.
Funny in the way that makes me want to rush out and get a vasectomy (I may have spent six years working in an abattoir but I just can’t cope with baby poo and vomit!) but also funny in that Nicole seems to survive all the little mishaps that come her way and even has the honesty to admit that she deserves the… Worst Mommy of the year Award!
Having said that, the gentle caring side of Nicole is apparent in the post called Return of the Worms (it sounds like an early Doctor Who series, doesn’t it?), which starts with the words….. “I swear to god, if I ever get my hands on the kid that is giving Ella worms I will murder him, cute fat toddler cheeks and all.”
I think that this is a blog that every parent should read whether they live in France or not. I’m sure that parenting can’t be as bad as Nicole makes out – I understand that it’s the first 18 years that are the worst!
I suspect that Nicole is, in fact, a very good mother and, when they are not pooping on slides or vomiting in taxis that Ella and Georgia are delectable little girls.
You should pay a visit to My Days and Nights in the City of Light– you might not learn a lot about Paris or France but you will have a great laugh.
And me? Well, after reading through this blog, I’m going to relax with a bit of Chaos!
All the best
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