Sarah Hague (89)
Jacqui (66)
Karin (an alien p... (49)
Paul (41)
Diane (38)
PigletinFrance (33)
Sara Louise (33)
Katie Mac (28)
Paris Paul (28)
Richard Brown (25)
Aidan (23)
Delana (23)
Amber (22)
Grenobloise (22)
Kirsty (22)
Roz (22)
fly in the web (21)
Leesa (19)
Virginia (19)
Ange (18)
Laura (18)
Marilyn (18)
Michel (18)
ksam (16)
Je ne sais quoi… - Paris
Je ne sais quoi is Shannon’s blog about discovering the truth about Parisians… one humiliating story at a time.
Sounds like my sort of blog!
Being a Paris blog I felt sure that there would be at least one article about Paris Pavement Garnish (in other words… Dog Crap!), and I wasn’t disappointed.
In Mr Hanky moved to Paris and had ten thousand children we learn that Shannon lives at 3 Avenue de Merde Par Tout and that sooner or later, you’re going to be knee-deep in dog excrement.
Well, I think we knew that already but it is nice to be reminded.
But enough of the Poop and lets get on to the important stuff…..
Stuff like… The Crazy Homeless Metro Violin Lady - Apparently the mere thought of listening to her grate that bow on those strings again, like fingernails a chalkboard, causes Shannon to get rather upset!
Tourists? Problem with Vacationists clogging up the poop strewn pavements? No problem; Shannan has the answers all sorted out.
Mind you, I have a cunning solution myself. It involves Le Chasse and a herb infused red wine sauce. And, of course…. some fava beans and a nice chianti!
They speak French in Paris; what language do you speak?
It is so easy to make mistakes. And Shannon seems to have got the art of the faux pas perfected! Take a look at Condoms, Bestiality and Pregnancy to see what I mean.
I mean, just imagine asking your mother in law that you’ve only met four times for a condom at breakfast time.
Or, on your first outing with your Husband’s extended family, tell them that “Your dog is a kinky little whore!!”
It could be worse though. In a classic Shannon moment, Shannon kisses the Bank Manager. Which really isn’t the right thing to do. On no, not at all!
Eating snails is not cruel!
No, it’s not! Really! The snails don’t mind.
And in How to eat as cruelly as you possibly can, by the French Nation Shannon explains that it’s worse for the Ortolans. Ortolans are tiny little birds that are…
“caught live, held in captivity, stuffed to point of death, drowned in cognac before they are rotisserie cooked. To top it off, they get an extra special dégustation… you suck the goodies right out of the carcass. So, not only have you imprisoned, tortured, drowned and roasted your little feathered friend, you must now hide your eating behind a napkin as you slurp its insides right out of it’s own neck.”
Bet they taste yummy though?
And in The joy (and or misery) of cooking – part one, Shannon talks about that most perfect of French delicacies – Foie Gras. Which is, as she explains… “The basic principal here in case you aren’t up to speed is you’re eating goose liver. A giant, FAT, goose liver. ”
To which, all I can say is… “very tasty giant, FAT, goose liver!“
French Customs that can take some getting used to….
Ah, queuing! Shannon has a few quiet words to say about queuing. OK, I lied about the quiet bit!
And being Fashionably Late seems to require the sort of mathematical calculations that are normally associated with a space shuttle launch!
What about the Bise. What does Shannon have to say about that? How about something along the lines of… “The kiss must go on, no matter what, no matter if I’m sick, no matter if you’re sick, no matter if we’re both sick, no matter if I have Ebola… you get the idea?”
And quite right too – it’s only polite!
And talking of face sucking (were we? Whatever next?) Shannon says this to the lovers of Paris – Get A Room!
And this is why… “I just passed an enamored pair who were actually LICKING each other’s tongues in front of Notre Dame. No joke. Licking. Each other’s. Tongues. It looked like a battle between two fat, pink worms. I’m amazed they had enough saliva left to tell me to stop staring.”
And you know? that phrase… Whatever next? seems a good way of summing up this blog.
So, summing up….
Je ne sais quoi is a wild roller coaster of a blog. It really does need to be visited at least once in every lifetime. In the same way that you might want to try parachuting or bungy jumping once before you die.
I’m not so sure that it’ll improve your character or make you any wiser but…..
You will have a great time!
And there’s nothing wrong with that!
And me? Well, I’m going on a Night Run to Belgium. I’m going to… “Go see the famous peeing boy statue. (A must… only in Belgium can a statue be famous because it’s peeing.) Have my picture taken next to it, preferably pretending to drink the pee. Everyone does it!”
Wish me luck!
All the best
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| BretonDiary | French Public Holidays | Images of Brittany | Market Days in Brittany | Website Design |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| Best Gites in Brittany | Roadside Tales | Internet Acceleration | MushroomDiary |
 The French Kitchen
A delightful book in which Joanne shares with us ‘her family recipes, passed down through the generations. The French |
 Cholcolat
Joanna Harris creates a rich and vibrant description of a rural French village with all its petty rivalries and traditional, narrow-minded boundaries on thought and behavior. |
 Five Quarters of the Orange
Five quarters of the orange’ is a story of a childhood tragedy in wartime France, and the shadows it casts across the later life of the heroine Framboise Dartigen. |
 Blackberry Wine
Everyday magic, he called it, the transformation of base matter into the stuff of dreams – Layman’s alchemy. |
 The French Market
Following the success of The French Kitchen, Joanne Harris and Fran Warde have collaborated once more to write a French cookbook with a difference. This time they have taken their inspiration from the rural markets of Gascony. |
 Coastliners
Passionate, stubborn Mado, whose “head is full of rocks” tries to save the livelihoods of the villagers of Les Salants by urging them to work together to save the beach from erosion, both natural and man-made. |
 Five Quarters of the Orange
Three sublime audiobooks from the bestselling author, now available together in a specially priced pack. Includes BLACKBERRY WINE, FIVE QUARTERS OF THE ORANGE and the huge bestseller CHOCOLAT. With a gentle touch and an eye for human frailty and strength, these mouth-watering audiobooks will draw you into her enchanting worlds. |
 French Lessons
Failed rock legend, pickled onion manufacturer, air hostess and euro-entrepreneur George East takes us through another eventful year of his doomed attempts to make a living out of living in rural France. |
 French Flea Bites
The character of France and the French people has been captured in words beautifully and the hilarious exploits of George his wife Donella, their neighbours and Cato the cat. |
 French LettersThis is not so much a book as a continuation of the serial story of George and Donella as they carry on with their almost idyllic life in Normandy. It’s at least as funny as the others, but the hanky had to come out again several times. More information |
 French Cricket
Once upon a time, former night club bouncer, seamstress and professional bedtester George East and his wife Donella fled to Normandy to escape their creditors and try to live off their wits in a foreign land. |
 Home and Dry in France
Buying property in France is fraught with mishaps and misunderstandings. George East’s book brings humour and fun to what happens when people venture forth to a foreign land with more hope than money and humour than language skills. |
 French Kisses
Those poor people who don’t like George East’s books often dismiss them as fiction. Not so, everything is at least based on real people and real happenings. George admits to a degree of embellishment and often combines several mishaps to produce a spectacular disaster. Such is the nature of his works. |
 Rene and MeTold in the inimitable style which has alrea dy won the author an army of followers, Rene & Me is a somet imes hilarious, sometimes moving and always captivating cele bration of human nature, people and, above all, life and living. ‘ More information |
 A Year in the Merde
This very funny book sounds a lot more like the France that I know. Read it and you’ll still want to come here, you’ll just be a lot better prepared for the surprises that France has to offer. |
 Merde Happens
Paul West is in deep financial merde. His only way out of debt is to accept a decidedly dodgy job that involves him touring America in a Mini, while pretending to be typically British. Also in the car is Paul’s French girlfriend, Alexa, and his American poet friend, Jake, whose main aim in life is to sleep with a woman from every country in the world. |
 Merde Actually
A year after arriving in France, Englishman Paul West is still struggling with some fundamental questions: What is the best way to scare a gendarme? Why are there no health warnings on French nudist beaches? And is it really polite to sleep with your boss’ mistress? |
 Dial M for Merde
In this book, you’ll get Paul, Elodie, her dad and some new French girls. All of them are of course hot and all of them adore Paul. Didn’t see that one coming… |
 Talk to the Snail
The only book you’ll need to understand what the French really think, how to get on with them and, and most importantly, how to get the best out of them. With useful sections on: Making sure you get served in a café, Harassing French estate agents, Living with bacteria, Pronouncing French swear-words and much more! |
 1000 years of Annoying the French
Was the Battle of Hastings a French victory? No! William the Conqueror was Norman and hated the French. Were the Brits really responsible for the death of Joan of Arc? No! The French sentenced her to death for wearing trousers. |
 The Olive FarmThis is television actress Carol Drinkwater’s lyrical account of a new life in France; about her house, Appassionata, and the trials and tribulations of acquiring an olive farm, restoring it, farming the olives, overcoming the heartaches of taking on a “new” French family and understanding slowly the workings and lifestyle of a vivacious Provencal community. More information |
 The Olive Season
This is an extraordinary and fascinating follow-up to The Olive Farm. The reader is drawn deeply and inexorably in to the world of the author, confronted with her personal struggles and entranced by her pastiche of growth and decay in the world of nature, a metaphor for her life. |
 The Olive Harvest
Carol and Michel have again returned to Appasionata, the Olive Farm that they have restored, and Carol is eager to continue production of the olives and attain their cerificate for producing Organic Oil. |
 The Olive Tree
THE OLIVE TREE charts Carol Drinkwater’s colourful and often dangerous journey in search of the routes that olive cultivation has taken over the centuries. Set during a springtime Mediterranean that is evocative and perennial, it is above all a tale of our time. |
 The Olive RouteA tour de force from Carol Drinkwater in this, the fourth in her Olive series. The joy of this book is in the pen pictures that she creates of the unusual characters that she encounters on her journey. More information |
 The Illustrated Olive Farm
The photgraphy is wonderful and the book is a great insight in to life with the olives and all that that involves. There are wonderful pictures of the dogs, family, friends, even the dreaded wild boar. Recipes as well. |
 Petite Anglaise
Petite Anglaise is a memoir by Catherine Sanderson based on her blog of the same name. In 2004 Catherine decided to start up a blog based on her life in Paris. |
 French Kissing
Name: Sally Marshall Status: single mother Age: 32 Nationality: ten years in France, yet still English through and through I like: Living in Paris, playing with my daughter Lila (four years old), the company of good friends, the smell of baking bread. |
 Tout SweetYou cannot help but fall in love with the author’s character. She seems like a Bridget Jones let loose in the French countryside, getting into a lot of funny situations with both ex-pat English and French locals like, as she adjusts to a totally different way of life. More information |
 Serge Bastarde Ate My Baguette
John Dummer’s sharply focused descriptions of the landscape, towns and villages, and the weather of the South West of France form a animated background for a series of adventures with an array of characters from some intimidating and belligerent peasants to a sad little old man whose only companionship is a collection of antique dolls. |
 Merde!
This book is an excellent source of words and expressions, of varying degrees of vulgarity, that are used all the time by french speakers. I used it often during the first of my two years in France. |
 Almost French
“Almost French” is the story of a woman who goes to France to visit a French lawyer she has only met a couple times before and barely knows. Of course, she gets caught up in the romance of the city and stays on to live there. |
A selection of Books About Paris that might interest you
- Paris Insight Flexi Map
- Wallpaper* City Guide Paris 2012
- Frommer's Paris 2009 (Frommer's Complete)
- Paris (Knopf Citymap Guides)
- Frommer's Paris 2010 (Frommer's Colour Complete Guides)
- Paris Hotels (Alastair Sawday's Special Places to Stay)
- Paris Green Guide (Michelin Green Guides)
- Unusual Shopping in Paris (Michelin Green Guides)
- Paris 2005: Maps and Top Sights and Day Trips and Quarters and Facts
- Egbert: on the Bridges of Medieval Paris: A Record of Early Fourteeth-Century Life
Paris | Keith Eckstein June 18, 2010