Creepy Query Girl is a blog that I actually came across when I was googling for some “writing advice” and it was only by pure chance that I noticed that Katie (the author of Creepy Query Girl) lives in France.
Should I review it? I wondered.
Well, after a bit of research I discovered that Katie lives in Paris which means she’s probably quite mad – tick that box.
Then I saw her photo and thought to myself… “Certainly looks mad!” – tick that box.
That ticked another box for me.
A quick google indicated that 3 posts mentioned poop and 3 posts mentioned vomit.
In other words, a perfectly balanced blog – tick that box.
And finally, Katie has got three kids.
Thus, if she wasn’t mad she most certainly must be by now – a tick in the final box and the decision was made!
And I bet you were all wondering how I choose the blogs that I review?
The bits about writing a book….
To be honest, there’s loads and loads about writing on this blog.
So I’m going to pick the three of four posts that tickled my fancy.
Like…. My list of annoying words which makes me think that Katie may have had an affair with Professor Strunk in an earlier life.
I really should take a good look at that list despite the fact that my first visit to Boston will always be remembered by me.
When Katie says… I feel like a sperm she doesn’t mean that she thinks she’s the little tadpole that they told us about in human biology classes; you know, the one that calls for the stork to come and deliver the baby to good married couples (provided they are regular churchgoers and vote for the republicans.)
No, what she means is that there are thousands (maybe millions) of writers toiling away, all hoping to get their masterpiece published and only a very few will succeed.
Actually, I’m not really sure why she felt she had to mention the birds and the bees at all?
I’m certainly glad to see that Katie is as much a Grammar Nazi as I am (although, looking at this blog you might be surprised that I can even spell grammar let alone know what it is!)
But I do have to disagree when she says that ‘Snuck’ doesn’t Suck!
Oh yes it does, girlie, it sucks big time!
But then, I’m not all that keen on Sneaked either.
What about sidled? Too shifty? A bit too 1950′s British black and white spy film?
Skulked? Only villains do that don’t they?
Pussyfooted? In a Mills and Boon novel, perhaps but in the real world I rather think not.
Personally I think oozled is the perfect alternative.
The only trouble is, it’s not an actual word!
This writing lark can be a real bugger sometimes!
Possible my favourite post in the whole blog is the wonderful… Ten Sucky Things That Would Still Feel Better Than a Form Rejection on a Full or Partial MS
I particularly liked the No 1 Sucky Thing…. “A really smelly fart, of the kind that precedes diarea. That fart you can taste in your tongue as you close your nose and try to breathe through your mouth. All in a closed, non ventilated enviroment. Disgusting, but still better then a rejection.”
And, giving to a little time to let that sink in, I do have to admit that I particularly dislike using particularly anywhere in my own writing; mainly because ALWAYS mis-spell it (I do – every single time!) but also because it is so meaningless. It doesn’t stop me from inserting it in particularly every sentence that I write!
Moving swiftly on to….
The bits about living in France….
In Thanksgiving in France Katie tells us that although she loves France (I’m mean she really, really loves France), Thanksgiving is probably one of the hardest holidays to celebrate over here.
And I’m totally with with in thinking that we should have a Thanksgiving day of our own in France.
The trouble is, with our 5 weeks holidays, our 256 public holidays a year and the 67 days a year that we spend on strike, when would we find time?
We could always give up ironing, I suppose?
Katie has, after all!
Sorry Katie, I don’t know if I should have mentioned that – I don’t want to get you into trouble but…
You did kind of let the cat out of the bag in Is that a wrinkle in your jeans?
And before you shout at me… I do know that something either is a rock or isn’t a rock but is never kind of a rock!
Unless it’s a sort of rock?
Now, just when you thought it was safe to venture out on the roads, let me tell you… it’s Crazy in Katie Land!
Apparently Katie has passed her driving test and got her license but, although that sort of worries me a lot, my really concerns are Katie’s words… “Now that I have my permit in hand, my husband has to teach me how to actually stay alive while driving around here.”
I should have known better, though.
If only I’d read It’s a Beautiful Friday I’d have not only known that Katie was taking her test but that she’d also cracked the complex French economic process that forces learner drivers to pay for our free health care!
Not content with letting that cat out of the bag, Katie goes on, in Fridays in France, to explain that… “France is a little smaller than the state of Texas.”
Which, I guess, is why French women are so slim?
I imagine they have to be, just so they can all squeeze in?
Katie has a friend called Bridget who used to say… Excuse me, I’M speaking right now.
Now, and not a lot of people know this, I used to have a friend called Bridget (she used to run the labeling machine at the abattoir that in used to work in) but she used to mainly say… “Allez, vite!” (when I was being a bit lazy) or “Hoopla!” (when she had made a mistake!)
Small world, isn’t it?
Anyway, getting back to Katie (after all, it’s her blog I’m supposed to be reviewing), she once again manages to let the cat out of the bag and explain possibly the most fundamental secret to living in France… “While French don’t like to entertain, they are fabulous at throwing temper tantrums. From strikes out on the street, to creating a scandal at the post office- throwing a tantrum is how to get what you want in France.”
The bits about being a parent….
Now, Katie might look like a crazy, mad thing (or at least her photo on her blog makes her look that way – it could have been a faulty camera, I suppose?) and she may live in Paris (once again, I’m not sure that the myth that all young American women in Paris are actually mad has ever been scientifically proven?) but, one thing I do know is that she must be the bestest mom/mum/mummy/mother in the world!
How do I know this?
Well, if you take a look at Mama Din Ray No Fool (she certainly didn’t – read on!), you’ll see that she managed to time the conception of her three year old daughter, Lucy, to coincide, three years and nine months later, with France’s final match in the World Cup against South Africa.
Now, can you imagine how much skill (and we’re talking serious Harry Potter levels of magical skill here, folks!) that took?
What better birthday treat for an impressionable three year old than to share it with a couch full of beer guzzling Frenchmen?
But then, after reading Mom Writers I should have know that Katie must have been to Hogwarts herself (I had to think about that one, you know. And I don’t know what it says about someone but it must say something when you have to struggle for a few moments to think of the English for Poudlard!)
That might have been where she had her little fling with Professor Strunk?
In fact, the more that I think about it, the only thing that differentiates Katie from Emma Watson is that Katie admits to suffering from DirtyHouseWritis which, as we all know, is a rather nasty affliction (possible another byproduct of her sordid little fling with Professor Strunk?) where you (generally women, often expatriate ones and frequently from the USA) start saying things like this about their children…. “I have kids. So I figure it’s kind of like when you keep rabbits or gerbils. You gotta keep the crap outta their cage or they’ll get sick and stinky.”
Somehow, Katie, I think that the pills aren’t working; the next stage in the treatment is strong drink (and lots of it) – hope you get well soon!
So, summing up…..
You know, I was seriously at risk of spending all day over this review.
I found the blog so interesting that I reading every post and then every comment on every post and then going to every commentators’ blog as so on…
I get the feeling that you might like Creepy Query Girl
And me? Well, I hear that there’s some Catpoop in the Closet and I’m going to check it out.
Care to join me?
All the best