I just knew that I was going to enjoy reviewing Life, Love and Living in France!
It’s one of those blogs that gets you tingling in all the wrong places!
Life, Love and Living in France is Samantha’s dysfunctional castle.
Samantha is, in her own words… “a self proclaimed princess. Aspiring authoress. Mildly neurotic, but not dangerous. Unless you touch my frog. Wait. That sounds weird. If I haven’t scared you off… stick around! In addition to life, love, living in France, and all things Francophile, I’ll share some thoughts on what it’s like to become an “instant mother figure” to a ten and a thirteen-year-old.”
Which, I guess, means that reviewing this blog is going to be a pretty fun ride.
So, buckle yourself in and take a deep breath…..
And let’s start with a French lesson or two.
Samantha gives us a great insight into French Pet names and stereotypes.
She calls her husband The Frog and he calls her his Little Pig!
Sweet, isn’t it?
As Samantha explains… “it is a term of endearment and who also knows he’s the Kermit to my Ms. Piggy!”
She also says of her husband… “He’s also the Pépé le Pew to my Penelope…”
Not sure what she means there? Is she suggesting that he smells?
Of course, if things get Lost in Translation, you could always end up having a thing or two to explain when your mum asks… “Why in the world is he calling you a slut?”
And did you know that a pig’s orgasm lasts thirty minutes?
Well, you do now!
I’m wondering who’s job it is to time these things – and how do they tell!
I suppose that if you live in France you’ll probably want to know The difference between neck, ass and tail?
Well, I’ve always found that it’s useful to know.
Samantha explains all and then apologises for her… “sometimes bastardized French accent.”
Sounds fine to me.
If you visit a hairdresser in France you may find Samantha’s list of phrases useful for that Hairy Situation.
Although I would be worried about a list that starts with…
Un sèche-cheveux – hair dryer
And ends with…
Un cauchemare – nightmare
But perhaps that’s just me?
And in Another Innocent Mistake Samantha confuses her stepchildren when she cooks dinner.
I’m not surprised that they were confused (or amused) when she promises them… “Rice, Green beans and Arsehole!”
I have to say, that’s one of the few things I’ve not eaten recently!
I wonder if it tastes nice?
And finally (before I get arrested for obscenity), in another Another Innocent Mistake Samantha’s husband has to explain to her that, when she was talking to his sisters…. “You just told my sisters you didn’t want kids until you’ve had your orgasm!”
Now, far be it for me to say anything but… could one suggest a discreet visit to Dr Ruth?
And, after all that, I hardly dare enter the kitchen but… here goes!
If you’re thinking about Mastering the art of French Cooking you might be interested to know that… “cooking for a ten and thirteen-year-old presents challenges.”
And that… “their idea of a gourmet meal is MacDo, or McDonald’s. Which has me cursing the golden arches. Last night we went there for dinner and la fille actually said, “This is the best restaurant in the whole world.”"
And in The French and their Wine we discover that… “Rumor has it the French drink a lot of wine!”
Shame on them, I say!
When it comes to the hunt for some Panko (no, I’ve never heard of it either), Samantha says… “I want it now and I want it RIGHT now!”
I do so hope you find it, Samantha, whatever it is?
Is it, possibly, something else you want before you have children?
The soppy gooey luvvy bits….
If it’s love that you’re after, you might want to try a spot of Looking for Prince Charming.
Samantha did and was able to say… “After kissing too many frogs who were more mucus than magical, and one failed marriage, I got mine.”
You lucky thing, I suppose?
It must be true love though if you can survive a little bit of Eeeek, A Mouse! Or who cut the cheese?
Even if your husband is forced to say… “Honey,You just smacked me, ouf, in the balls. Why?”
So, summing up….
Samantha Vérant, this is one damn fine blog!
There’s a lot in this blog about Samantha’s novel (Seven Letters) and I won’t mention it here.
You really do need to dive in and read the teasers for yourself.
A quick summary of the blog so far can be had from ’tis my birthday which provides a summary of “both the high and the low-lights from the past year.”
Or you may want to look at About the Love Blog.
After all, Samantha sums it up best in her own words… “On the cusp of forty, debt-ridden, childless, and in a dying marriage, I barely believed in myself any more, let alone fairy tales. So when I unearthed seven beautiful love letters I’d received in 1989 from a sexy, French rocket scientist, my only hope was my heart would find the jumpstart it needed to spark up again. But instead of hope, I found regret; I never wrote Jean-Luc back.
So twenty years late I did.”
Why don’t you visit Life, Love and Living in France to find out what happened?
And me? Well, I’m going to visit Planet Botox. Have you ever seen an uglier woman? Non, ni moi!
But, no matter what Samantha says in I interrupt this blog, I do have to disagree with her views on Cher.
To me she’s still the third sexiest woman in the world!
After Mrs A Taste of Garlic and Felicity Kendall of course!
All the best